Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
