I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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