JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
