maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize