i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
