White coat. Heels.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
