He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
