ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
