Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
