i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
