Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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