I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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