I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
