so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
