Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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