I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Couch. On fire.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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