My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
