Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
