I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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