You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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