It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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