I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Randomize
