Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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