she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
