I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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