I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if only i could text you this smell
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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