You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
