didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
