Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
