He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
