My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
