Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
