Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
