You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
