Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
