if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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