Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The best revenge is premature balding
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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