I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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