even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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