my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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