No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize