Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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