in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
4 words: hood of his car
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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