Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
