I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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