i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
