Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I smell like Dick and happiness
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
