A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
