I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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