Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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