well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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