so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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