I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
