so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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