she told me i tasted like america
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
