You can't special order awesome
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
