i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I just sharted jello shots
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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