when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
