you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
