I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
