Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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