Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
