My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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