he thought i was a dude.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
