If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You made out with two different species that night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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